The Surgery

Just before Mikey switched shifts, he had a minor operation. Just for the sake of further anonymity I won't mention what kind. But it was just a minor outpatient procedure which he needed. He informed me of this well ahead of time for my information about his condition, and so that I wouldn't have anyone over while he was recovering, since he would be drugged up on painkillers. Before this happened I also informed him that if he needed anything, even something small from the store, to just let me know, and I was happy to do it for him.

And that's just the kind of guy I am. I've always been the guy who does things for people. My friends in particular. I have a few theories as to why I do it. One is that I like people to like me. Though this characteristic isn't as prominent in my life today, it still exists, and I'm honest enough to admit this quality about myself. Most people wouldn't. So early on in life, I had this desire for people to like me, and early on, I interpreted this as "If I do things for people, and if I'm nice to people, then they will like me." This has been more subconscious in the last 8 years or so, but it's pretty much how all my friendships dating back from grade school and high school were established. But more importantly, I enjoy doing things for people. I've just always had this innate satisfaction from someone simply saying, "Thank you". And it makes me feel good to know I helped someone out.

So I went to the store for him and got him a few things. More 7up and ginger ale than we already had, crackers, and, via his special request, applesauce.

Now, I haven't had applesauce in years. probably not since I was a kid. But when I went to the store and got it, I remembered how much I enjoy it. And I wanted some. But this was his applesauce. Other than buying it and bringing it home, I couldn't touch it. Or any of the other stuff that had his name on it. And this is an understandable roommate pact that I think is more or less universal. If it has someone else's name on it, don't touch it.

To this day, that applesauce is still in our pantry. Unopened. Taunting me. And it's been over 2 months since I bought it for him. And I swear, when I come back from my vacation to Tokyo (end of June...going for a week) and that applesauce is still there, I'm digging in.

But that's kind of how things started around here. And I think subconsciously, he just likes having a claim staked on things. He knows I want that applesauce, and I think he is leaving it in there just to kind of say, "Haha, this is mine, not yours!"

But the most important thing about this time period is that I think it established our dynamic for the future. So far I had been succumbing to his will. Remembering to stay quiet and not have anyone over when he was asleep (though it was the middle of the daytime for me), this should go here, that should go there. All his ideas. This should be done this way or that. All decided by him. And I went along with it all, mostly because I either was comfortable with where he wanted to place things, or just didn't care about other stuff. And he seemed so sure about it all, and himself, that I just figured that he knows what he's doing and I should follow his lead.

However, of all the ideas I've had, only one has gone my way (which I'll describe in a later post). All my other ideas have either been ignored or shot down for arbitrary reasons, or simply because he didn't like it.

And it's only recently that I've come to realize that the dynamic we've established is this: though we both pay rent, this is his house, and I'm just a guest in it.